Setting Saotome Straight
by Girl-type1
Summary: Kuno learns about Ranma. Akane learns about P-chan. And Ranma HAS to choose a fiancee.


**Title: **Setting Saotome Straight

**Author: **Girl_type (jedimasterlisa@aol.com)

**Fandom: **Ranma 1/2

**Categories: **Slight romance

**Rating: **G

**Thanks to: **You, for reading this. Rumiko Takahashi, for such a marvelous creation in the first place.

**Warnings: **None.

**Summary: **A watcher from an alternate universe enters Ranma's world and, to everyone's relief, doles out some long-past-due 'education.' 

**Disclaimer:** These characters belong to the Goddess Rumiko Takahashi.

I called for an assembly of everyone in the Tendo Dojo. Still puzzled as to who I was, yet obeying me, Soun and Genma (whom I had recruited as my accomplices after a brief explanation of what my intent was) helped me herd Ranma, Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi, Ryoga, Shampoo, Ukyo, Cologne, Happosai, and Kuno into the dojo.  
-----  
  
"First of all. Who am I, I know you are wondering. We'll straighten that out. I am a Watcher. I'm from a parallel universe that watches and observes everything that goes on here in weekly episodes." I grabbed Ranma by the collar and dragged him to the front of the room. "Right. I've had about enough of this. It's time to set things straight; I can't stand to see dumb animals suffer. That's why I'm here. First of all, we will address this issue. KUNO!" I yelled. "Listen! Watch! Your 'pigtailed girl' and Ranma here are one and the same. Ranma was the victim of a curse that causes his body to change when splashed with cold water. He changes back when splashed with hot water. Here, try it for yourself, maybe you'll believe it if you make the change happen by yourself," I added, pointing to a bucket of cold water and a kettle of hot that were upon a table nearby. Kuno, eager to disprove me, said "Very well, I shall prove you a deplorable liar!" and strode forward. I latched onto Ranma to prevent him getting away. "Not just yet, Kuno," I said as I peeled Ranma's shirt off of him. "Watch his chest when you put the water on him." Ranma started struggling harder, but I refused to let him move. Kuno then doused him with cold water. His eyes popped six feet out of his head as he saw breasts emerge from Ranma's chest. "My... love?" Girl-type Ranma squealed and spluttered in her high voice, "Oh, geez! Happy now, Kuno?" she added archly. "Splash me with the hot water, hurry up, that water was cold and I'm freezing!" Kuno upended the steaming kettle on Ranma, and all eyes were riveted on Ranma's chest as the breasts receded into nothing, as his shoulders filled out and his arms developed their male shape and musculature. "Feh," said boy-type Ranma. "See, Kuno?" Kuno said nothing; he was frozen to the spot in shock. Nabiki waved a hand in front of his unseeing eyes. The dads, my accomplices, picked him up and set him in the corner, out of harm's way, still a statue.   
  
"Next on my agenda. Ryoga Hibiki. Come here." Ryoga warily approached me. "Ranma, I'm going to need your help with him. Grab him tight and don't let him go!" "What do you want, who are you?" he asked me, struggling against Ranma's grip. I ignored him. "Everyone here knows Ryoga is in love with someone. In fact, we all know who she is, and even she has some idea. But there is one very important thing she does not know, and that is this." Ryoga's efforts to free himself were increased tenfold upon hearing this. So saying, I dumped another bucket of cold water on him. "Kwee, kwee, kwee!" squealed P-Chan pathetically. Ranma, who had managed to avoid the water. picked up the piggy and spun him on one finger like a basketball. Akane, sitting in the back row, began blowing steam out of her ears. "How DARE HE!! How dare he, sleeping in my bed every night no less! HowdarehehowdarehehowDAREhe!" She pulled a mallet out of hammerspace, but was restrained by the dads. "Time enough for that later, Akane, there are more important issues to settle tonight," I said. I took Pchan from Ranma and put him in a metal safe, closing the door tight. "There, he won't get away now, and you can deal with him as you like later, Akane. Just remember that the reason he's never been able to bring himself to tell you is that he loves you." A squeal of agonized embarassment came from the safe. Akane just growled.  
"Next on the agenda, and the most important item. RANMA!" He looked at me, surprised. "I thought we already took care of that," he said. "That was KUNO we disillusioned," I said. "Now it's time for you and your fiancees to sort something out once and for all." He guessed what was coming; he waged a visible inner battle to not run away as he said, "Aw, do we really have to bring that up here!"   
The dads both ran up onstage, each grabbing Ranma by one arm. "Yes, Son, we do," said Soun levelly. They knew what was coming.  
"Ranma!" I began. "It is past time that you level with everyone. You owe honesty to them. You string each of them on, not deliberately, but trying not to hurt any of them either. But by stringing them along and giving each the occasional dose of false hope, you are doing two things: setting them up for much greater hurt later on when the truth inevitably comes out; also you are taking up time in the prime of their lives when they could be starting a serious search for someone else who COULD be their life mate.   
Ranma. It has come to this. There is no way to worm your way out of this one. Your choices: Akane, Shampoo, and Ukyo; also one other choice, and that is to express an honest disinterest in all three. If you express disinterest now, know that your ties to all of them are severed for good. DO NOT STRING THESE GIRLS ALONG. Be absolutely honest; it will save much pain and anguish. You owe it to them, Ranma."  
  
Ranma sweatdropped and then hung his head, the dads still holding him tightly by his arms.   
  
Ukyo and Shampoo both leaned forward anxiously, eyes large and shining. "Airen!" "No, Ranma honey!" "He choose Shampoo!" "No way!" Akane merely sat, hands folded in her lap, eyes lowered and blurred with tears.   
  
"Let go of me, Pops, Mr. Tendo," said Ranma gently. Almost reflexively, the two released him. "I... do... love.... someone," he managed to say, the words coming hard, head still down. "..."   
  
"Fuck it, I can't say it," he said. He walked towards the crowd, past Shampoo, past Uyko, both of which whose hearts leaped when he saw them approach them, both of whose hearts shattered when he did not stop walking. Both fled the room after he had passed them by. He stopped in front of Akane. Wordlessly, he tapped her on her shoulder at the same time as she realized whose feet she saw in front of her. She looked up, eyes teared over, at Ranma, whose own eyes were also teary. He reached down a hand, which she took; he pulled her to her feet, gently, then wrapped his arms tightly around her.   
  
No one spoke for several minutes. Finally Ranma said in a broken voice, arms still wrapped tight around Akane, "I'm so sorry it took me this long to admit it, Akane." Akane said nothing, merely adjusted her arms around Ranma and held him tighter. "I realized ... just couldn't stand to... imagine not being with you," she said.   
  
The room broke into a standing ovation.  
  
The dads laughed and slapped each other on the back. "Well, Tendo," said Genma, "it's a start, anyway." Soun, eyes streaming with tears of happiness, nodded vigorously. "At last the future of the Tendo Dojo is secure!" he wailed happily. This caused both Ranma and Akane to blush scarlet, and as one they kicked him. "Give it a REST, dad!" yelled Akane.   
Genma picked up Soun, slinging him over his back, and went off in search of some hot sake and a game of Go. Ranma, meanwhile, turned to face Akane, face still blazing scarlet. "ah... Ah...kane... wanna go get some ice cream, or somethin'?" he asked. "I thought you'd never ask, dummy," said Akane tenderly.   
He stepped forward, in front of her, took her in his arms, and kissed her gently on the lips.   
  
FIN


End file.
